A Separation Spring Cleaning

A Separation Spring Cleaning

We all have stuff. Sometimes, this stuff is helpful―but sometimes it weighs us down. Sometimes, we even wonder who we are without it.

Stuff really comes to the forefront of our lives in a separation. Who does our stuff actually belong to? How do we divide mutually-owned possessions? And what do we keep from our old life when we are striking out to build a new one?

A separation is a good time for separating yourself from excess baggage. You have drawn a line in the sand and disconnected from your old life; now, you get to decide what is coming with you on your new journey. This is an appropriate time to let go of objects that no longer “fit” you, and lighten your load both physically and emotionally.

By tidying up and cleaning out your surroundings, you will create new space in your head, in your heart, and in the radiant future you’re inviting. More, it will create a connection between your busy mind and your true feelings.  

Getting Divorced? Bake a Cake!

Getting Divorced? Bake a Cake!

Sometimes, in order to get back on your feet after a breakup or divorce, you need to give yourself fun, accessible “baby steps” to get out of the dark place you’re in, and find your way back to yourself. 

That’s why I created my Star Actions. They’re a perfect little lift for you when you’re having a bad day.

I developed my Star Actions system for a dear friend who was in a separation crisis more than fifteen years ago. I advised her to pick three shining stars from the heavens every day when she had done three things she knew she needed to do, but feared or didn’t feel like doing. (For example, going to the neighborhood supermarket, where she might run into her ex, was a huge fear for her.) From that day on, she updated me regularly to share her little “stars” achievements. Soon, she had walked over her own fears and done things she had never thought of or wanted to do before, and was feeling much more empowered.

How to Get the Best Support from Family and Friends (and When to Walk Away)

How to Get the Best Support from Family and Friends (and When to Walk Away)

If you’re in the middle of a divorce or breakup, this might sound familiar to you. Are you often tired? Are you continuously angry, anxious, depressed, or extremely emotional? Do you lose stuff, or struggle to remember even simple things? Do you often take pills to make you feel better or help you sleep? Do you spend hours on the couch watching television to “numb out,” or wander around your house like a zombie for hours? If so, your body is probably sending you messages asking for more loving care. If you are in physical pain, it’s literally screaming for attention.

One of the most important tools for creating a positive separation is one that’s totally under-utilized. It’s caring for your body! Your body is your best friend right now. It gives you power, energy, and structure so your mind can focus on daily tasks and your goals for a new, happy future.

Your Winning Team: Your Stellar Support System

Your Winning Team: Your Stellar Support System

You don’t have to face separation alone. You can, and should, seek help, knowledge, and love from others. Your friends, family, and professional support can become indispensable resources for you during this time. To make sure you’re getting the support you need from the people who are able to give it, you should take stock of your relationships, and create a plan for who to call in moments of stress and crisis.

Your solution to navigating moments of chaos and stress, and your secret weapon for creating a happy and fulfilled future? Your Winning Team. 

Positive Separation: The Way to Make Lemonade After a Breakup!

Positive Separation: The Way to Make Lemonade After a Breakup!

Have you ever listened to Beyoncé’s album, Lemonade? Lemonade is Beyoncé’s response to injustices that permeate daily life in the United States. She addresses relationships’ complexities, like her husband, rap icon Jay-Z’s infidelity. One song on the album, “Freedom,” samples a recording of Jay-Z’s grandmother saying, “I had my ups and downs, but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up. I was served lemons, but I made lemonade.”

The Positive Separation Method and my book, Happy Again!, contain recipes to teach you how to make sweet lemonade from life’s most bitter fruits. Separation is difficult because it involves (among other inconveniences) heartache and change. Whether you are separating from your spouse, your partner, or a friend – change forces us to question our worth, our values, and the choices we make.

Is Positive Separation Possible?

Is Positive Separation Possible?

“Positive” and “breakup” are two words that seem to be in direct conflict with one another. However, it is possible to create a positive separation and find happiness again. Although misery seems to be the expected state after a breakup, you don’t have to buy into that stereotype. Many people have created vibrant, happy futures after a breakup―and you can do the same. All you have to do is make the choice: do you want a happy future, or a sad one?

Here are 4 simple tips to consider if you want to stop the drama circle and create a happier future for yourself and those you love.