Getting Divorced?
Bake a Cake!
(aka, The Magic of Star Actions)
Sometimes, in order to get back on your feet after a breakup or divorce, you need to give yourself fun, accessible “baby steps” to get out of the dark place you’re in, and find your way back to yourself.
That’s why I created my Star Actions. They’re a perfect little lift for you when you’re having a bad day.
I developed my Star Actions system for a dear friend who was in a separation crisis more than fifteen years ago. I advised her to pick three shining stars from the heavens every day when she had done three things she knew she needed to do, but feared or didn’t feel like doing. (For example, going to the neighborhood supermarket, where she might run into her ex, was a huge fear for her.) From that day on, she updated me regularly to share her little “star achievements.” Soon, she had walked over her own fears and done things she had never thought of or wanted to do before, and was feeling much more empowered.
The Star Actions are connected, directly or indirectly, to your Five Commitments and the first 4 Steps of the Positive Separation Method. They are broken into groups based on level of difficulty. Each action will earn you between 1 and 5 stars. If you want to make a game of it, aim for 10-15 stars a week (or 40-60 in a month), and give yourself a little reward when you reach your star goals.
There are too many Star Actions to fit in this blog post, but I wanted to share a few simple 1-Star Actions for you to do when you need a little boost.
General Star Actions
★ Get your jacket, go out, and buy the most beautiful and cheerful bunch of flowers that you can find. Place them in a vase in your home or on your desk at work. Smell them often throughout the day.
★ Bake a cake or make some fun cookies. Celebrate yourself today like you would on your birthday. Bring your dessert to work or a friend’s house to share.
★ Cook your favorite recipe from when you were a child for yourself, friends, or family.
★ Take a long, hot shower and let your tears, sorrow, frustration, and anger mingle with the water and disappear down the drain. This can be an effective daily ritual to rid yourself of built-up anger or sorrow, or a quick fix after a hard day or a fight with your ex-partner. Give yourself a star every time you consciously let go of a negative emotion and let it swirl down the drain.
★ Try a new type of coffee or tea, a new food, or another new product. New things and activities hold no echoes of the past, and belong only to the present. Trying something new means you are consciously taking a step forward in your new life. Once you try it, you can decide if this new thing belongs in your future, or not.
★ Put on your favorite song. Download the lyrics (if you don’t know them) and sing along at the top of your lungs.
★ Hang a radiant photograph of yourself. Hang a photo taken before the relationship, or when you were still a child, in a very visible location in your home. Smile whenever you look at it.
★ Connect with a friend. Invite a friend whom you haven’t seen recently to join you for dinner, a film, or a hobby or sports activity. Promise yourself not to talk about your breakup for more than 30 minutes.
★ Compliment someone. Give someone a sincere compliment that really makes them glow.
★ Enjoy the rain. When it’s raining hard, bicycle or walk in the rain without a hat, rain jacket, or umbrella and allow yourself to become completely soaked. Jump in puddles like a little kid. Do a rain dance. Whatever brings a smile to your face.
As you can see, Star Actions aren’t hard. They’re simple, fun, and don’t cost much. However, when you do them, I promise you’ll feel an immediate boost in your energy and happiness―and, when you’re creating a positive separation, your happiness is what it’s all about!
You can learn more about Star Actions and how to use them
in my book ‘Happy Again! The Art of Positive Separation’
Eveline Jurry is the creator of the Positive Separation Method™ and the author of three books, including ‘Happy Again! The Art of Positive Separation’. From her home base in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, she teaches people how to create a happy future during and after divorce or separation.