Is Positive Separation Possible?
“Positive” and “breakup” are two words that seem to be in direct conflict with one another. However, it is possible to create a positive separation and find happiness again. Although misery seems to be the expected state after a breakup, you don’t have to buy into that stereotype. Many people have created vibrant, happy futures after a breakup―and you can do the same. All you have to do is make the choice: do you want a happy future, or a sad one?
Here are 4 simple tips to consider if you want to stop the drama circle and create a happier future for yourself and those you love.
Begin where you are. Commit to making a fresh start, and letting go of the past, even if you haven’t officially settled your divorce or are still waiting to find your own space to call home. You are living in the here and now, so decide what you can do today to create a new life you can love. Baby steps are key here!
Do not waste energy
Wasting time with thoughts like, “My ex is a jerk,” “I’ll never be happy again,” or “My life is a mess!” won’t get you anywhere. Neither will trying to control or manipulate your ex. You need to conserve your energy to move yourself forward in a positive way, so focus only on what you can control: your thoughts, your actions, and your goals. Try to find a daily routine that feels balanced. Remember, you are the solution to your own happiness!
Schedule a weekly Power Hour
Plan your “Power Hour”―a time to check in with yourself and set your goals―once a week. Ask yourself how everything is going, how you’re feeling, and where you need to make changes or ask for help. Write your plans for the upcoming week in your notebook or calendar so you’re more likely to follow through.
Taking care of yourself goes beyond just eating well and going to the gym (although both of those are important). It means banishing negative thoughts, conserving your energy, and paving a route through the chaos of your breakup. No one else is going to look after you, so You might as well be your own best friend!
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If you work on these four things, you will immediately start to see an improvement in your daily mood and functioning. If you keep at them, and enlist the help of your personal and professional Winning Team members, you will be on the road to your happy new future in no time!
Choose a Star Action as a
Gift to Yourself Today!
The Star Actions are part of my Positive Separation Method and give you a positive boost in the direction of happiness.
★ Do something fun after work. Instead of going straight home after work, treat yourself to a happy or fun moment. Go to the movies, call a friend for a drink (and commit to yourself not to talk about the breakup), or get that ice cream you have been craving.
★ Tidy up your entryway. Clean up the entryway to your home for just 30 minutes (instead of Netflixing or computering); life will seem a little shinier afterward.
★ Pick one flower, outside or on your way back from a meeting or grocery shopping. Put it in a little glass and put it on the shelf of your bathroom or another happy spot in your house (like the picture at right).
* You can learn more about Star Actions in this post.
Eveline Jurry is the creator of the Positive Separation Method™ and the author of three books, including ‘Happy Again! The Art of Positive Separation’. From her home base in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, she teaches people how to create a happy future during and after divorce or separation.